I'm not like a regular mom, I'm a cool mom.
Ten months ago a squishy, slimy, screaming, tiny dictator was born.
The nurse, who told me to stop "pushing with my face" no less than 20 times during labor and I still don't know what that means, laid him on my chest and my heart exploded in a million tiny pieces.
That tiny dictator is named Milo, and those pieces are still settling.
Those first few hours, days, weeks and months were filled with more happiness, excitement, snuggles, love and satisfaction than I have ever known to exist.
But let's be honest.
There were also tears, doubts, frustration, fears and poop - so much poop.
Breastfeeding was a major struggle. (I wish I could have glanced into the future at this point and saw that in a few short weeks I would be whipping it out at brunch so that Milo could snack while I was enjoying my french toast - Shout out to all the waiters at Raymond's who have seen my boobs!)
Why wouldn't he latch, and then, was he getting enough to eat??? Was I starving my baby? But wait, NOW he is spitting up! Is he allergic to ME? WTF. WHAT. IS. GOING. ON?
I was spiraling and obsessing and anyone who has spent a little time with me knows that when something is important to me, I obsess about said thing ... and then I spiral. Add to this dark and stormy recipe the fact that I was barely sleeping and that my body was healing from an actual trauma (yes, childbirth is traumatic y'all) and as you can imagine, things were less than great.
I needed some help and after a little research and some gentle pushing from my husband (let's call him, Brian), I found a support group in my town called Montclair Baby.
My first time at "circle" as we call it, was incredibly nerve-wracking. I was a new mother to a 3-week-old baby, I thought my boobs were broken and I was still in the - I can only wear sweatpants phase -which, incidentally, I am still in.
Who were all of these chicks and did they all know what they were doing?! How was that even possible? Luckily for me, these broads were just as clueless as I was. We were all in it together.
The next week after circle, I was invited to lunch with some of the moms who had a week or two on me and Milo ... and the rest was history.
For the next 20 weeks of my maternity leave, these women were with me through thick and thin (talking about the emotions here, not my post pregnancy body.) All of the feels that I was feeling, they were feeling as well. All of the doubt and worries and triumphs and celebrations. We shared them.
And so, this blog is a result of endless conversations with the moms and girlfriends and sisters in my life (both blood, in-law and sorority) who have dropped some knowledge, love and kindness on me over the past 10 months.
I figured I would put my journalism degree to good use (You reading this mom?!!? Of course. She is probably 1 of the only 5 people reading this.) and share my musings on this crazy life that I am leading and loving every hectic second of.
I am calling it The Ugly Cry because I do just that at least once a week these days. Sometimes it's because I miss my baby while at work, and other times it's because Brian forgot to order cheese for my burger.
I hope you enjoy it.
This is for the "cool moms".
The nurse, who told me to stop "pushing with my face" no less than 20 times during labor and I still don't know what that means, laid him on my chest and my heart exploded in a million tiny pieces.
That tiny dictator is named Milo, and those pieces are still settling.
Those first few hours, days, weeks and months were filled with more happiness, excitement, snuggles, love and satisfaction than I have ever known to exist.
But let's be honest.
There were also tears, doubts, frustration, fears and poop - so much poop.
Breastfeeding was a major struggle. (I wish I could have glanced into the future at this point and saw that in a few short weeks I would be whipping it out at brunch so that Milo could snack while I was enjoying my french toast - Shout out to all the waiters at Raymond's who have seen my boobs!)
Why wouldn't he latch, and then, was he getting enough to eat??? Was I starving my baby? But wait, NOW he is spitting up! Is he allergic to ME? WTF. WHAT. IS. GOING. ON?
I was spiraling and obsessing and anyone who has spent a little time with me knows that when something is important to me, I obsess about said thing ... and then I spiral. Add to this dark and stormy recipe the fact that I was barely sleeping and that my body was healing from an actual trauma (yes, childbirth is traumatic y'all) and as you can imagine, things were less than great.
I needed some help and after a little research and some gentle pushing from my husband (let's call him, Brian), I found a support group in my town called Montclair Baby.
My first time at "circle" as we call it, was incredibly nerve-wracking. I was a new mother to a 3-week-old baby, I thought my boobs were broken and I was still in the - I can only wear sweatpants phase -which, incidentally, I am still in.
Who were all of these chicks and did they all know what they were doing?! How was that even possible? Luckily for me, these broads were just as clueless as I was. We were all in it together.
The next week after circle, I was invited to lunch with some of the moms who had a week or two on me and Milo ... and the rest was history.
For the next 20 weeks of my maternity leave, these women were with me through thick and thin (talking about the emotions here, not my post pregnancy body.) All of the feels that I was feeling, they were feeling as well. All of the doubt and worries and triumphs and celebrations. We shared them.
And so, this blog is a result of endless conversations with the moms and girlfriends and sisters in my life (both blood, in-law and sorority) who have dropped some knowledge, love and kindness on me over the past 10 months.
I figured I would put my journalism degree to good use (You reading this mom?!!? Of course. She is probably 1 of the only 5 people reading this.) and share my musings on this crazy life that I am leading and loving every hectic second of.
I am calling it The Ugly Cry because I do just that at least once a week these days. Sometimes it's because I miss my baby while at work, and other times it's because Brian forgot to order cheese for my burger.
I hope you enjoy it.
This is for the "cool moms".
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